I woke up this morning feeling depressed and I’ve been a little depressed for a couple of months. This morning I said to myself: “ What the fuck is going on in your head?”
I thought about my last blog I didn’t like some of the things I said or maybe it was because I spoke to my youngest son Greg. He said “Dad your blog was good but little strong”.
I know what he really wanted to say, probably something like “Dad your losing your fucking mind, straighten your ass out.” But Greg would never talk to me like that and my other two, Joanna and Frankie would never correct me, say something nasty to me or just tell me off, when I deserved it. And let me tell you, over the years I’ve given them plenty of reasons to do so.
They are just beautiful people, you have no idea. Pick two or three people in your life that you really think that are nice or good or beautiful, multiply that feeling by 10 and you might get close and you know what? Now that I think about it, not one of them even raised their voice at me. Thank you Jesus! For that blessing: my children.
I was a good father, not a great father and I was a lousy husband and I loved them with as much love as I could.
They are the way they are because they all take after their mother.
She would try to explain to them that my capacity to love was limited, I gave the most love I could but it was limited, she often described me as a lost soul.
It hurt at first but as the years past I realized she was right.
I think that’s because my parents were not affectionate. Don’t get me wrong God knows they were good parents. My mom hit me almost every day but I deserved it. I was really bad.
Every day some neighbor would ring the doorbell and start yelling “Betty, do you know what your son is doing?” And I would get hit.
When I got older I got faster and he got fatter, she couldn’t catch me anymore, so she started throwing things at me, until one day in a rage, she picked up one of her favorite crystal plates and threw it at me, I ducked, it hit the wall and shattered, she never threw anything at me again.
Boy! did she love her crystal stuff.
So now she would wait for my father to come home and as soon as he came through the front door she would yell to him
“Frank hit him. He was bad today”. Now, Dad was a bricklayer and when he got out of the car and walked to the front door, he couldn’t stand up straight from bending over hundreds of times a day to lay each brick one at a time, maybe more than 100 times a day.
He didn’t straighten up and walk upright until after dinner. I remember him always yelling back to my mother “Betty leave me alone, I ‘am tired”.
He hit me once on a weekend when he was well rested. I was a big teenager, 6 ft. tall and slightly fat; he punched me in the chest. I said “Dad, why did you hit me?” he said “That’s for all the nights last week when I was too tired to hit you”.
He walked away holding his wrist, he sprained it when he hit me and lost 5 days of work.
Bad news: In those days you didn’t get paid if you didn’t work.
As for Jo, my first wife, she didn’t deserve me, she deserved a lot better. I left a good woman for a pair of great legs. I’m a leg man, they are “The Gateway to Heaven” Al Pacino said from the “Scent of a woman” Whoa!!.
Lesson! Don’t underestimate the power of the sex drive in a man even if it lasted for only a couple of years or until the next great pair of legs comes along.
But don’t blame us; we are just fucking idiots with our brains in our dicks. God made us that way.
Even though my parents didn’t show any affection I know they loved me, my 2 brothers and my sister. Mom would be up until 2 or 3 am ironing our starched white uniforms shirts and blouses, it was mandatory dress code at St. Rita’s Grade School in South Philly.
Dad laid brick until he died at 61 years of age. When he died, I cried every morning when I woke up for almost a year. The day I left for Fort Knox Kentucky to start Basic Training for the Army, my Dad hugged me, hard and kissed me on the cheek, with tears in his eyes, he walked away without saying a word.
I was shocked. He didn’t have to say anything. I know he was thinking what every father thinks when he says goodbye to his son who is leaving for military service. “I may never see my son again”.
I was lucky; my two boys were not at the right age to be drafted when we were at war. Thank you again Jesus.
I dedicate this story, against to all our elected assholes that have no idea of what life is like for the average Americans.
George Bush Senior, during his presidency announces he and his wife are going on a shopping spree because the country was in a recession at that time.
All the TV cameras were there when he handed the cashier 3 pair of socks like this was really going to help the recession and as the cashier passed the socks over the points of sales scanner he turned to his wife with a stupid look on his face and asked “What is that?, what is the cashier doing? “
The points of sales scanner was in stores for at least 2 or 3 years at that time.
That shows you how little they knew about life in America. For us it’s citizens. They are in a totally different world than us. I really don’t like picking on these guys bit they are so pickable, if that’s a word. I don’t think they are worth my time or even the paper and ink I waste on them.
Low-lives!. What got me started on them?
I woke up this morning, made my coffee and the turned on my computer while drinking my first cup of the day and randomly choose any of the 20 or 5 non mass media websites I like.
This morning I hit www.blacklistednews.com another superior web site and there it was, the headlines ‘IS YOUR CONGRESS MAN REGISTERED AS A PAID FOREIGN POLICY LOBBYIST FOR ISRAEL?
Those low-lives bastards!. Please go to www.blacklistednews.com October 6th, they not only list the names of these low-lives but also give the amount of money they got. I don’t think any of their children will shed any tears for these guys. If they do, they will be tears of joy for all the money they are going to inherit if they can figure out which foreign banks they hide their money in.
To my Public Servants:
Try to go out just for 2 or 3 days, something in between your vacations and be a bricklayer and you might understand a little why I feel the way I feel.
Anyway, after reading these headlines I closed my eyes and asked my Best friend Jesus, “Am I going crazy? Why Am I so depressed?”
And he answered loud and clear. “NO, you are not crazy, but you are very depressed because you see the world falling apart and you are worry for your children and their children and all those you love.”
Then I asked ”Jesus are you going to help us out of this mess?”
No answer. Just silence.
Now I’m not only depressed but scared also.
Why should he help, we shut the door on His Face too many times.
Last week the Market broke below its 200 day moving average trend line. Friday it rallied back to just under the line, as it usually does.
Today, Tuesday 7th it looks like this formation will be confirmed.
You still have time to buy some OEX-Puts or other bearish instruments.
Happy October everyone!. You ain’t seen nothing yet!
I didn’t mean to pick on Bush Senior, he was a military man. A hero in my books but I still have a vivid picture in my mind with a stupid look on his face.
TI, a fellow coworker on Wall St. and a friend I love, thank you for reminding me that “You ain’t seen nothing yet” was a BTO Bachman Turner Overdrive song. It was a favorite group of mine years ago. I didn’t think of the title because there is another part of the same song that I remember more. In fact I often use it in conversation when I disagree with someone and I’ll just say bababababy only twice baba’s, I remember three. The you tube lyrics are wrong I think they say Bababy only twice, two babas I remember three.
Did I tell you that cd’s (music) and DVD’s movies and concerts pirated cost only 4 or 5 soles, that’s like $1.50 to $2 dollars, Imagine. I once sent some to the States and they didn’t work. Most CD and DVD players there have anti pirate devices.
Did you know that 2 years ago the US Treasury Dpt. Voted Peru as producers of the most authentic copy of the US $100 bill?.
Also www.flavorwire.com, a web site I love not only about music, they cover books, films, art and design, has a great write –op on Stevie Nick’s and her new album “24 Karat Gold-Songs from the Vault” I am dying to hear it.
PS I didn’t know I was bad. I just thought I was having fun. Too many stories to tell but here is one thing you might like. Remember all those women who came knocking on my mother’s door complaining about me?
Will I Always had water gun handy, just for the fun of it and I used to fill it up with black or blue ink which was common in those days because we still used fountain pens.
Well I would go and squirt ink on all the windows I could at the houses of the old bitches who ratted on me to my mother.
Do you think that’s bad? I didn’t I thought it was fun they had to pay for a window washer to get them clean.
Don’t you think that’s fun?, yeah you do. I can tell cause’ right now you are laughing.
To my brother Larry
I think you missed one blog where I mention that I’m getting emails complaining about my spelling and grammar. My answer was “I don’t got good spelling and I don’t got good grammar and my wife who is nice enough to type my blog, barely speaks English. Most of the time it’s like the “I love Lucy Show” around here. And I told them if they didn’t like it just don’t fucking read it.
Wish Nancy a Happy Birthday, she knows I hate Birthday and I don’t send cards. Why the fuck would anyone celebrate getting a year older is beyond me. Love you, Nancy.
Jimmy Dritz was one of my bosses at Becker Paribas, you had to love this guy. When he was teaching me the ins and outs of the Risk Arb world and me being new at it I often made mistakes. He never got mad or raised his voice. He would just say. “Frankie, that’s a Cocka maymy spread you put on (spelled wrong) or that’s a Chinese Spread. Next time try it this way”.
But I always think of him this time of year. He had years of experience in Risk Arb at Drexel and Company and he would say, “Frankie at Drexel we always bought on Rosh Hashanah and sold on Yom Kippur”, and every year we lost a few bucks but I can still picture him with his brisk walk running towards my desk while scratching his head and laughing, “Frankie I think we were supposed to sell on Rosh Hashanah and sold on Yom Kippur”. I said “Jimmy it’s your theory you tell me. He would shake his head still laughing and say ah! It’s nebulous” and just walks away.
Nebulous!! that was his favorite word. I’m a laughing now just picturing him. He wasn’t a great stock picker or great at calling the market.
He was just the best Risk Arb guy on the street. He was almost never in a deal that broke, maybe 2 or 3 a year.
That’s a hell of a record!.
Miss you Jim.